Science Says Sex Appeal Is About More Than Just Your Body

                               

There’s more to attractiveness than a hot bod. 

When we think of sex appeal, most of us think about Victoria’s Secret Angel-worthy physicality — or something like it. For women, that may be flat abs, flowing hair, and clear skin. For men, a chiseled jawline, tall stature, and bulging biceps. And, sure, certain aspects of appearance are in fact universally acknowledged as tenets of objective beauty. There’s a lot of research on the attractiveness of facial symmetry. Studies have found that women like men with a prominent chin and cheekbones, and men prefer curvy figures to straight ones.

Yet, we know there’s more to attractiveness than outward appearance or the cookie-cutter hot bod. We’ve all met the guy or girl who isn’t instantly alluring to us, but over time, our attraction to them booms to astronomical proportions. Or we’ve met someone who we could acknowledge was aesthetically gifted, but for some reason, they just didn’t do it for us.

There’s obviously something about attraction that’s more than skin-deep.  

Beyond the body

Every year, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, the chief scientific officer at the online dating company Match, polls thousands of men and women for Match’s Singles in America study. Every year, she asks the same question: When you initially meet someone, what do you notice first?

What they’re definitely not looking for: a perfect physique. “They say teeth, grammar, and self-confidence,” Fisher tells Yahoo Health. “From a Darwinian perspective, this makes perfect sense. Teeth say a lot about your overall health, grammar can tell you what kind of background and education the person has, and self-confidence says a lot about your psychological stability.”

According to Fisher, research shows that we are generally drawn to people who are similar to us — the same socioeconomic status, education level, intelligence, culture, religion, looks, and so on. However, if it were just about such a simple checklist, becoming smitten would be far easier.

“We all walk around with a subconscious list of what we’re looking for in a partner,” Fisher says. “But you can walk into a room with people who are all the same, but you won’t fall in love with all of them.”

Through her research on the brain, Fisher has found that certain biochemical systems drive mate selection. Those driven by dopamine (the thrill-seekers and spontaneous ones) tend to attract others guided by the same hormone. Same goes for the conventional, rule-following, serotonin-dominant men and women.

On the flip side, those guided by testosterone and estrogen tend to attract each other — they seek a complementary counterpart. While testosterone is analytical and logical, estrogen is emotionally expressive and empathetic. 

And in case you were wondering, these sex hormones don’t neatly map; all men do not fall in the testosterone camp and all women in the estrogen camp. A famous example: Hillary Clinton is testosterone to Bill Clinton’s estrogen, according to Fisher. (If you’re not sure about yourself, Fisher has frequently written about these biological systems and their matches.) “All these factors begin to play a role from the first few minutes,” says Fisher.

Is attraction in our genes?

Beyond what we can assess and pinpoint, genetic factors play a huge role in attraction as well, according to Sara Seabrooke, PhD, co-founder and chief scientific officer at Instant Chemistry. The company utilizes DNA testing to determine a pair’s neurologic and biologic compatibility, which can help a couple navigate their potential strengths and weaknesses.

“Twenty years of research shows that genes of our immune system — called HLA, or human leukocyte antigen, genes — contribute to how physically attractive someone appears to us,” Seabrooke tells Yahoo Health. “The genetic makeup of our immune system varies from person to person; the more different someone’s immune system genes are from our own genes, the more physically attractive the person is to us.”

This is something known as biological compatibility, she continues. “These immune system genes contribute to our body scent, and research has shown we can detect these genes based on smell,” she explains. “The better the person smells to us, the more likely they are to be biologically compatible. Not only do biologically compatible partners find each other more attractive, they have more satisfying sex lives, greater marital stability, and increased fertility rates.”

This is why you might think that guy you met last Friday night is crazy-attractive, whereas your friend is still not convinced. “While physical attraction is important, almost half of the attraction is very individualized and is not easily attributed to one feature or behavior,” Seabrooke says. “We can pick apart our bodies, but the underlying genetic HLA component can make someone sexually, physically attractive just the way they are — despite their self-imposed ‘flaws.’”

Yes, a chunk of these genetics are physically identifiable, Seabrooke says, as genetics contribute to our hair color, eye color, skin tone, shape, you name it. But that underlying mystery of attractiveness varies a ton from person to person. “Up to 40 percent of physical attraction can be related to the HLA genes we carry,” she says. “Because HLA genes are so different from person to person, this means that a good biological match is also very different from person to person.”  

The malleability of attractiveness

Indeed, Fisher says your looks and your overall attractiveness are not the same thing. And looks become less and less important in time. “You learn he has an incredible sense of humor, he is charming, he’s good at what he does, until finally, you think he’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen,” she explains. “Bodily things, like expression, are important.”

“For instance, we’ve often asked singles what they find most sexually attractive,” Fisher continues. “What turns people on most is sexual confidence. Getting your body into a state of confidence and relaxation is profoundly impactful.”

While looks might get you in the door, nonphysical factors can leverage your attractiveness and make you extremely desirable. While objective physical attractiveness served more of a purpose for our ancestors, we’ve evolved slightly beyond that now, says Karla Ivankovich, PhD, an adjunct professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, Springfield.

“When roaming, we focus on that which catches our attention — and the majority of time, it’s something of beauty,” Ivankovich tells Yahoo Health. “Beauty stimulates the pleasure pathways of the brain and is a precursor in mating. But remember, whatever is deemed beautiful is in the eye of the beholder. The largest sex organ lies between your ears.”

If you think someone is initially attractive, Ivankovich says, the brain then takes over. In addition to olfactory triggers — aka scent, the HLA genes, and the oft-cited human “pheromone” — auditory triggers are important pieces of the attraction puzzle. It’s why the sound of a voice can be a turn-on or turn-off and why “music has long been used to ‘create the mood,’” says Ivankovich. “It is tied to romance and attraction, as well as to memories.”

Also, let’s not forget that everyone is looking for different qualities. Attractiveness doesn’t exist in a vacuum.

We all tend to agree on who is objectively attractive, but preferences differ substantially — you might love shy nerds, while your sister is hot for witty extroverts, and these are often qualities that bear out over time. For example, 2015 research published in the journal Psychological Science showed that getting to know someone changes your perception of his or her hotness.

Specifically, we see this effect among friends who pair off. In the Psychological Science study, strangers were asked to rank the attractiveness of each partner in a couple. The result? The longer the couple had known each other before getting together, the larger the disparity in their objective attractiveness level. (So, no. Being in the friend zone does not kill off your sexual attractiveness, and it may just enhance it.)

A similar effect was also observed in 2014 research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In one study, students were asked to rate the attractiveness of each of their fellow classmates at the beginning of the semester; in another, students were asked to rate a few of their opposite-sex friends. As you might expect, researchers found that the longer you know someone, the more your rating of their attractiveness differs from what everyone else renders at first glance.

Nonphysical factors are as important to your overall attractiveness as any physical asset, according to Gary Lewandowski Jr., PhD, a professor and chair of the department of psychology at Monmouth University and the co-creator of Science of Relationships, a site that brings psychologists and other experts to take on interpersonal issues from a research-based perspective. 

In his 2007 study published in the journal Personal Relationships, Lewandowski and his colleagues showed men and women a series of photos of potential matches and asked them to rate them on a scale of 1 to 10. Then they showed the study participants the photos a second time with additional information about the person in each photo.

“Essentially, if you first thought someone was a 7 out of 10 on attractiveness, then learned they were smart, funny, and kind when you saw the person again later, your rating of their physical attractiveness was higher — for instance, they now appear to you as an 8 out of 10,” Lewandowski tells Yahoo Health.

He decided to test this concept in a lab after seeing attraction flip in his own life — finding someone either more or less attractive after getting to know them. “Although we would like to think that our decisions and opinions are all the result of fully conscious and careful consideration, that often isn’t the case,” says Lewandowski. “There’s a myriad of subtle and undetected factors that influence how we think about and perceive the world. In the case of physical attraction, we wrongly assume it is solely physical — but context matters.”

What to take away

What does all this mean? Lewandowski says the profound and simple implication of the research is to not nitpick your body. The whole package matters. Beyond basic appearance, attractiveness is a specific, special something — a complicated formula of genetic and psychological compatibility enhanced by qualities like confidence, kindness, and self-assurance. 

“A less physically attractive partner with a stellar personality may ultimately prove to be more attractive to you — which isn’t a bad thing, because we know that a lot of long-term happiness is more about the friendship two romantic partners share,” he says.

Ivankovich also says to remember that while we all might think the women wearing VS angel wings and guys in Calvin Klein ads are good-looking, what the sexes consider attractive changes with time. “Ask any 20-year-old what is attractive, and you will get a very different answer from those at different stages in the lifespan,” she says. “Beauty is driven by where you are at developmentally and chronologically. Differing ages will all value different qualities.”

“The key point: Beauty changes and other factors are important,” Ivankovich continues. “Intelligence. Creativity. You name it.” Someone out there is looking for what you possess in spades.”

“To look better, you don’t need fad diets, extreme exercise, or cosmetic surgery,” Lewandowski adds. “Instead, a good personality and being a good person goes a long way in making you more attractive.”